Friend or Foe
Yesterday I was your friend, but today in the morning you just told me that I was your fiercest and most hated enemies. After the long laugh I gave for thinking you were joking, I realized you were serious about this joke. All I could do was turn around and leave and my words on the door as I was leaving should, or, at least, I thought, bring you back to reason. I just said I was not; I didn’t have anything more meaningful to say for you caught me off guard and out of my love for philosophy, I couldn’t find words that were more meaningful than “I am not your enemy.”
Then I left the room and nearly left your life without having a reason good enough for my having left, yet I knew that I would get there and know what this was all about.
Yesterday I saw your world and I enjoyed living in every single corner, studied on every single desk, traveled to all your boundaries, and always, to your home, came back. Yesterday I saw the world through your eyes and I let myself fly wide and high as I thought the edges of the sky were outlined in your beautiful blue eyes, and by taking the journey there and back, I would visit all heavens and down to earth, in the end, landed. Yesterday I asked you where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do and you chose things for me and I thought I was choosing what my mind suggested not what yours used to see. Yesterday I was yours and this was the only thing that could never change; I am still yours.
But I no longer live within your boundaries, nor do I love sitting at your corners, nor do the gifts of wisdom you used to give make sense anymore, nor do the choices you make are considered mine anymore. I am free, not from you, I am free for myself. I appreciate you taught me how to fly, but if it were to one destination, why didn’t you save me the trouble and just carried me there. Your false freedom in a single track, a single mind, and a single pair of eyes is killing me. I have set myself free. I make my own choices today. My wings were broken and you tended to my wounded wings just to clip them to domesticate me; why didn’t you just let me die?
I am your foe you say, but I am not; you are not no matter how hard you try. I appreciate all the things you have given me but give me a chance to travel to different places and help other broken-winged friends. But you insist that the only way to be a friend is to be you; I know that anything else I do will make me your foe. Well, all right then; so be it. After all, it is better as foes that you fly and let us all fly than to be friends and die and make us all, with you, die.
April 30, 2013