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I Don’t Understand

There must have been a thousand ways in front of me when I finally chose one. Not saying that I knew them all, or that all were available, but I took the one and I marched along. Walking a little, singing a little, feeling tired a little, even frustrated sometimes, meditating a little, hoping a little and making the finish line sprint, the way was always covered, and the destination reached. However, I never felt that I got there; I could never rest.

After the fleeting moment of glory for crossing the finish line is over, I always look ahead again and see another path, another race, and another finish line. The moment I say to myself: “I am there,” I feel the road is still long ahead, I am far from ever seeing there, and there seems to be like a mirage that you keep seeing, but you can never really grasp. It is like a feeling with no scientific proof to justify its existence, but it is you who feel it, who enjoy it, and who savor it like the sun in your heart. I have always sought the way there, but the way there seems to be an illusion that I may never get to see.

But when I come to think of it all, I find out that I have been happy every step of the way, I have loved myself every moment, and I have felt peace inside my heart that I have never felt before. I am no longer going to where they say I am supposed to go; I no longer care about the roads they make and the paths they take; I have my own. I do not need permission to pass through anybody’s land; my territory is any place my soul can reach. I am a friend of nature as it is growing wild in my heart until I feel I am nature itself. And after all, I chose to make a new destination after each destination reached as I am addicted to the journey itself so much that the steps themselves mean much more than the place they lead to. I am no longer a slave that follows trodden paths and stay on the safe side.

I climb and climb and never stop; this mountain doesn’t seem to have a peak; it reaches out to the clouds and beyond; a place I will always seek. I know that life is not as long as a dream, but I know that a dream is bigger than life. So I will keep climbing up; I will never settle down and stop. I may rest for a while, but I will stand up again and keep up. I was obsessed with the way there, dreaming of there, and thinking when will I ever get there, but I have figured out that there is every single step; it is the journey itself; it is never to stop; there is anywhere you get when you take the journey and your heart is true.

May 14, 2013

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