Longing for a day to be reborn
in a world so free of woe
tracking the rays of a sun,
not dying like our own
but eternally shining in our hearts
enjoying spending each minute
not wasting the last dimes of a loan.
Not being who I am supposed to be—
where is the thrill in living
if I am no longer a mystery?
If all my steps are already drawn
and I do not get to discover
day by day who is that
I’ve been living with all along,
and I do not have the will to foresee—
not like a god but a human
I live every day to be only me.
No more to serve a country
no more to protect some vague dignity
no more to kill the world to be free
no more mottoes and maxims
no more parties that cannot include
in their spacious definitions you and me,
no more gods to be interpreted—
I write my own bible and see
for once a true god that has been living
all the way inside of me.
No more feeling guilty, and I know
it’s never been my fault
that I don’t look like you—
we both belong to a different hue
in a rainbow so meant to be enjoyed
not joined altogether in one so-called white
then take away all the light— shiny no more—
no white can shine at all in the dark.
No more belonging to anything,
I cannot play that game of fallacy
where everything is means everything is not—
why cannot I belong to more than one category?
to sort myself as if our species never introduced chaos;
you don’t call my name but my father’s—
a whole pack of dogs contracted into one leader,
sane are the barks coming out of his snout
no matter how much they sound crazy—
we sold our ears and hearts and souls
the moment we decided to join his party.
No more mess and collateral death tolls
I do not mean anything more—
in my heart some are killable
but some are not,
placing on every street corner
a throne and on every curb a god—
no gods have caused this mess,
it was me, it was you
so I’ll kill myself and you,
you see, I am a human after all
and killing for me is the only shot,
and then I wait and hope
to be reborn and sent
yet would I be any better?
May 5, 2016